Through the Looking Glass

Hope studying a Unicorn Horn

That is a Unicorn horn that I am holding. Contrary to popular images Unicorn horns are not straight although they do come to a very sharp point. They are a little bit twisted which may account for the spiral shown in many illustrations in children’s story books.

But this is no fairy tale. I’m not kidding. This is not a April Fools’ joke. Check the date. This is a real Unicorn horn that I plucked from the center of the forehead of a real Unicorn.

Now the question is: will the USDA going to require mandatory tagging of Unicorns under NAIS? After all, Unicorns are rather like horses, at least in the illustrations, although the real one that I got that from is nothing like a horse, no relation at all. Also, I think, or at least I hope, that people don’t eat Unicorns so they aren’t a food animal. If anything they’re rather exotic.

Okay, so you’re wondering, “Where-o-where did Walter get a Unicorn and why did he dehorn it?!?”

Well, first of all the horn will grow back. Not to worry. And it didn’t hurt the Unicorn, much, when I removed the horn. I harvest the horn periodically because after a while it gets too long and maybe even a little dangerous. We wouldn’t want that thing swinging around an impaling someone. It also gets awkward for the Unicorn after a while – makes him go cross eyed. And yes, the Unicorn is male. Fortunately my young daughter Hope was there to tame the Unicorn and I just popped it right out.

On to the Unicorn: That’s me. I’m the Unicorn. I have a very small horn, a perfectly white hair, growing in the center of my forehead. I’ve always had it – since I was a child. It’s a little kinky and keeps growing back. It’s my Unicorn horn. Now you know something unique about me and the truth about Unicorns. Yes, Hope, Unicorns are real. *grin*

When I was little my mother told me the rhyme:

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
When she was good, she was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid.

I thought she was referring to me but I think she may not of known of the little curl. Later I decided that having a Unicorn horn was better than possibly being horrid so at the age of five I decided that I was.

No, despite the myths, Unicorn horn is not an aphrodisiac, at least not for humans. By the way, it is not necessary to kill Unicorns to get a horn – just ask politely and they may let you have it. This is an important life lesson.

My spiders stumbled on this ironic post from the Faceless Bureaucrat and I just have to share it. It has been posted here previously but it is the context of the re-quoting that makes it fun:

Best Sentence Today
“I have a firm rule – I eat the mean people.”
(From Walt Jeffries at Sugar Mountain Farm, on his culling policy.)

Posted by Bill Harshaw at 3/25/2009 08:22:00 AMBlogging on bureaucracy, organizations, USDA, agriculture programs…retired from USDA in 1997 after 28 years in ASCS/FSA…

Here I stand quoting someone I see quoting me…
It is like Alice in Wonderland – Bloggers quoting bloggers quoting bloggers.
I’m honored! :)

Outdoors: 29°F/15°F Sunny, light snows, windy
Farm House: 32°F/31°F
Tiny Cottage: 66°F/59°F Shower

About Walter Jeffries

Tinker, Tailor...
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4 Responses to Through the Looking Glass

  1. Anonymous says:

    Cute walter! It took me a moment to realize you were holding a hair (I mean unicorn horn!) and to stop focusing on Hope’s cute face.

  2. Tony says:

    I like the unicorn horn story. And the quote of the day too. So you know the USDA is watching you. I guess that probably wasn’t news to you. You have a mind boggling number of hits on your counter! That map thing is pretty cool. I am going to get one for my blog.

  3. Great story. You had me wondering where you were going (I kept thinking goat). And I remember the post you said the quote in. Stuck with me as well.

  4. nady says:

    i love the story…its very down to the earth story and painful…great…good job..

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