Saddle Pig’s Secret

This is Saddle Pig, sister of Big Pig and Little Pig. She’s the middle pig and you know what the middle child is like. Friendly, good and not getting enough attention because she is eclipsed on both ends. Just kidding. Sort of, actually Saddle Pig is very long – she’s going for that extra rib theory of genetic improvement. The reason she is named Saddle Pig is that she has a birth mark on her back that looks like, well, a saddle.

In this photo she had lost a fair bit of weight, maybe 100 lbs, bringing her down from her heft 750 lbs. There are people who would pay dearly for her trick. Today I present you with Saddle Pig’s Secret Weight Loss program!

It is really quite simple. First she had a ten piglets. That right there will drop your weight by a good 50 lbs overnight. By morning you’ll be fitting in clothes you were going to take to the Salvation Army! Doesn’t it feel good to knock down a half dozen dress sizes all in one fell swoop!

Stage II: Nurse those piglets for a month. Now, admittedly this is a period when you may actually appear a little bigger due to your increased bust size but don’t look at that as a problem – feature it! Most women only dream of gaining six cup sizes in a week! The best part is you’ll continue to lose weight in the back, shoulders, thighs and hips. By the end of the month your fourteen breasts will be huge while your hips and thighs will be back to their svelte teen size! That ol’boar is going to be looking at you with a gleam in his eye!

There you have it – Saddle Pig’s Secret Weight Loss Program and All Natural Bust Enhancement Technique. Best part of it is you get to lie around most of the day, in a bed of hay, eating cheese bonbons. Of course, please do ignore the farmer who will sell your children.

The doctor advised me this miracle drug. I have been taking Phentermine for three weeks already. The drug reduced weight very quickly. I took off 200-300 grams every day. Then the weight started to decrease more slowly. I just don’t want to eat as much as I used to. I have been eating less for three weeks and lost more than 8 kg. I am very pleased with the drug as it helped lose extra pounds in such a short period. So far, I haven’t noticed any addiction and side effects at

18°F/2°F, 3″ Snow, Partly Sunny, Windy

About Walter Jeffries

Tinker, Tailor...
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18 Responses to Saddle Pig’s Secret

  1. Urban Agrarian says:

    Walter, Great post! My dogs were looking at me strangely as I read this because I was laughing so loudly.

    “Most women only dream of gaining six cup sizes in a week”
    Would most woman be dreaming of this or would most men be dreaming that this is what woman would be dreaming (wink).

    I can’t imagine the search engine hits or ads you’ll get with some of the phrases in this post.

  2. *grin* Just wait until I do my “Piggy Porn Posting” about how to tell if a pig is in heat, pregnant, about to farrow. Totally innocuous topic… :)

    As to the sex of the dreamers, probably it is some of both! I have a very close and dear friend, whom I shall not name, who says that when she was a girl she used to sing a little song that went something like, “We must, we must, we must increase our bust. The bigger, the better, the tighter, the sweater, we must, we must, we must increase our bust!” She said this was accompanied by much moving of the arms to build up those pectoral muscles. Honestly though, pregnancy and breast feeding is much more effective. :)

  3. pablo says:

    I’m afraid to post a comment today.

  4. pablo says:

    Which is an indirect path to a question I’ve been meaning to ask you. The Real Dirt blog has posted a few times recently about feral pigs running rampant in her area (which happens to be fairly close to Roundrock). She says there has been some thinning of the packs (packs?) by airborne sharpshooters, but one option she mentioned was capturing them and adding them to a farmer’s own pack. I wonder if this is a good or bad thing. I guess it adds a little genetic diversity to the gang, if you choose to breed the captive pig. But I imagine it also introduces the potential for swine diseases or pests that the pigs picked up whilst feral. Or can a feral pig be successfully added to a domestic pack?

    I wondered what your thoughts/experience are with this.

  5. Leslie says:

    My fourteen breasts?!
    The farmer who will sell my children?!!

    I love the humor in your posts, Walter.

  6. Pablo,

    Short answer: “I don’t know.”

    Long answer: “I am not sure but I’ll guess… :)

    If the pigs are simply domestic hogs that have gone wild then probably mixing their genes back in with domestic hogs would be beneficial although then you’ll have to spend some generations weeding out bad traits. In the short run that is work but in the long run you’ll probably get a better pig. You may be able to get there faster through careful crossbreeding of known good hogs.

    Either way you would want to evaluate each individual hog for traits such as back fat, nipple count, leg soundness, hams, torso length, eyes, litter size, etc to pick which ones of the wild hogs would be worth breeding back into your domestic breeding stock.

    Alternatively, if you could capture them and simply finish raising them up to slaughter weight and then butcher them that may be the easiest and simplest thing.

    As to disease and parasites, this is a big issue. The wild hogs may well have stuff you do not want to mix in with your prized breeding stock or your growers and finishers. This risk may make it not worth the potential gain in genetic diversity. If one were to try I would definitely quarantine the incoming wild hogs, just as I would incoming domestic ones, before introducing them to the herd. You would also have to watch out for fighting between the newcomers and established herd.

    Once in a great while we get a wild hog around here. I think it is most likely a domestic pig that escaped and went feral. Our dogs, while they are great guardians of our pigs, kill wild hogs on sight. They know who is supposed to be in their herd and don’t like other animals being around. Makes sense I suppose that they differentiate between their herd, to be protected, and wild, to be kept out or killed if it invades. They do the same thing with wild birds that come in where they should not be yet they are very protective of their chickens.

  7. Patti says:

    Yes but if you follow her weight loss program…do you end up having to shave your ears??????

  8. Would you mine sharing some of your dogs history? What was it that made you choice your first one? What health test and such do you do? How often do you breed? It seems to me that you breed for your own working stock, or do you have people out there wanting a pup? I have been wondering about your dogs for awhile.

  9. Paige,

    We didn’t choose our first, he chose us. Our first guardian dog Coy was a drop off. Sadly, people dump dogs, cats, rabbits, etc on our road several times a year. When Coy showed up I tried to ignore him and did not feed him but he insisted on guarding. After three days I relented. We tried to find an owner but nobody claimed him so he stayed. He showed excellent natural ability plus intelligence. Physically he looked like Cinnamon and Napoleon.

    What health test and such do you do?

    I’m not quite sure what you’re asking here. If you mean things like rabies, we give them all the standard vaccinations including rabies – just last night in fact at the clinic.

    If you are asking about hip dysphasia (sp?) and that sort of stuff none of our dogs have ever shown any signs of that or any other problems. Luck of the Irish. :) Coy lived to 14 years or so and worked to the end.

    How often do you breed?

    Rarely. Litters are about a year to three years apart.

    It seems to me that you breed for your own working stock

    My reason for breeding the dogs is to have our own working stock dogs. While we did get very lucky with Coy I would not trust my luck just getting an adult dog from the pound that has not had exposure might work. Kita is proof of how hard it is to train a dog that has not been brought up in a working environment. It took me two years to get her where they generally are in six months of training. She is the exact same gene stock as our other dogs – she is Kia’s near identical twin sister and litter mate. Kita was exposed to animals here for her first three months right along side Kia. I gave her to a family that unfortunately left her bored and chained for most of nine months. When she returned to me she was a disaster – much like a random pound dog would be. I would guess you would have ten failures for every success. Even then, there would still have a lot of hard training with a highly selected rescue dog that had not been raised with livestock. Realize that with Coy we actually did some selection. I let Coy stay because he showed the right attitude, physical form, intelligence, habits, etc. Otherwise I would have eventually found a home for him if he was not able to do the job. Fortunately he was a natural.

    do you have people out there wanting a pup?

    We get a lot of requests for puppies and for trained working dogs. If we wanted to push the breeding we could sell three or four litters per year to satisfy demand. But that would be too much. I love working with the dogs but as part of our life, not as a kennel type situation that would become. We breed and raise pigs, sheep & poultry – the dogs are our helpers and they love the work. I would not want to farm or homestead without them.

    I have been wondering about your dogs for awhile.

    Any other questions? I wouldn’t want to keep you in suspense. :)

  10. dragonfly183 says:

    That was a really funny post walter.

  11. brandy says:

    So that is what Im doing wrong….10 piglets…hmm this could be a problem for me, although I suppose I could just get 10 piglets and spend my days running after them and hugging them and then maybe that would make me lose weight.
    Plus you dont mention that first she had to gain all that weight…was Saddle Pig smaller than she is now before the piglets?

  12. smiles from France for this new spring….

    (by a non yet geneticaly modified human being.)

    your wife is very talentuous i think!

  13. Jenna says:

    I know that I am way way late in posting a comment, but by way of excuse, I just found you!!! I can’t imagine where I would keep my 14 breasts as I am only 5 ft tall (mind you this is on a good day in the right shoes!!)…I would think that at the least it would make me fallover every time I stood up! Other than that problem the program sounds jsut fine!

  14. Jenna, never too late to comment. That’s part of the fun of the web. Saddle is about 7′ tall and she’s very long in the body so she has a bit more room for extras. :)

  15. Jenny says:

    Saddle pig is right. Nursing really does help take off the pounds after having a baby. There is a reason we put on those pounds. We need them so that we can pass on good milk to our babies. Nursing puts a lot of demands on a mothers body.

  16. emily says:

    Although the wedding is the existence of the world since ancient times the ceremony, but the bride wedding gown at the wedding but not to 200 years of history. Wedding dress on the moon
    should be the prototype of 1700 BC to 1550 BC, ancient Greek aristocratic dynasty of three generations of women Minnow worn bare chest, sleeves to the elbow, chest, waist position by a thread in the breast below the lower dressed bell-shaped dress, the overall tight fitting clothing. Now the bride wore white gauze dress hem trailing ceremony was originally a Catholic service.

    [That was one of the more interesting examples of spam. The paragraph contained numerous links to sales sites. I’ve deleted the links. I don’t think Saddle Pig is interested as she is already married, sharing her ‘husband’ with her twenty co-wives. They have a good arrangement and who is to say it isn’t the best one for them. I’ve blocked the IP where that spam came from. It is a pity that spam is not edible. It is so easily distributable that we would quickly feed the world. -WJ]

  17. Lucas T. says:

    The irony is that Spam is actually quite tasty. Saddle pig may have even had a hand in making it!

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