Interesting GMO News Blip

Vermont Company Buys Monsonto Herbicide & GMO Seed Maker
Jun 2, 8:57 AM (ET)
By A. CORNEWALL for AQ News

MONTPELIER, VERMONT – This morning SMF Corp announced it’s successful buyout of Monsonto Industries. The closely held Vermont family company purchased Monsonto for its older recipes to use in their new sausage making enterprise but plans to discontinue all other non-essential portions of the Missouri based agri-giant.

When contacted by AQ News the president of SMF said, “We don’t see any money to be made in the GMO field with the worldwide tide against unhealthy foods so we will be cutting our losses. Monsonto was worth purchasing at its recently undervalued stock price of only 0.3¢ per share for the value of the patents they hold on vanilla.”

When asked about the rumored impending employee layoffs at Monsonto’s laboratories and corporate offices the president of SMF, M. Jefferies, replied that she was “not worried about them. She stated that she was sure they could find jobs at the new higher minimum wage at Waltmart and MacDonalds both of whom are now pledging not to use GMO products and are switching to organic rather than synthetic plastics in their milkshakes.”

Jefferies added that, “It seems ironically appropriate for Waltmart to be hiring on these scientists and administrators as checkout clerks given that it is Waltmart’s action to stop using GMOs and ban herbicides & pesticides which is what led to the downfall of Monsonto’s primary product rBSTi a few years ago. Now it is the combined market forces of Waltmart and MacDonalds that have now crushed Monsonto with their pledge not to use GMO or Roundown (Gyptophosate) products.”

The new owner of the chemical giant said there was no relationship between their purchase of Monsonto and the recent Vermont state labeling laws. “It is merely a coincidence that our firm is in the Green Mountain state doing Green things with green backs. We would have made this purchase even if we had to use colorful Canadian money. We do not care about the color of your money as long as bacon is delicious.”

When asked what farmers will do Jefferies replied with a shrug, “I guess we’ll do what we’ve always done, make do without corporate monopolies and patents on seed.” She went on to explain that SMF will be placing all of the Monsonto patents in the public domain. “Anyone can save their seed in the future, grow their own varieties and share the results. The one condition is that individual or corporation will not be allowed to file any patents derived from these seed lines. It is all open source now. Free as in speech. Beer is next.” Legal experts opined that this action could cause a small downturn in the economy as lawyers are put out of work but economists expect that new jobs in farming will more than make up for the slack.

Monsonto company spokesperson and ex-president Huge Grant separately said that they as a company are working on emergency plans under the orders of the new owners to phase out GMO seed production by years end with all Monsonto research laboratories shutting down this month before the Summer Solstice to honor Gaia. He regretted the losses but said that it was a better option than bankruptcy for the company which had once been a leader in the chemical sales field. “At least this way some part of the old company will live on as minced meat.”

Shares of Delta Bines and Downer Chemicals briefly spiked on the news of Monsonto’s sale before settling to a record low at day end trading.

Copyleft 2015 Associated Quest News. All right granted. This material may be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed at your pleasure.

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Daily Spark: Beware of satire, it’s good for the digestion.

About Walter Jeffries

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6 Responses to Interesting GMO News Blip

  1. David M. M. says:

    Love it!!!! Wish it were real but I saw your note on satires! Keep it up!

  2. Jeff says:

    Hey Walter,

    This comment has nothing to do with today’s post but I wanted your opinion.

    You say you’re using large 300+ gallon stock tanks for whey tanks.

    I’d like to do something similar for water. I like the idea of using large tires (I have cows/hogs/sheep together) for a water source, but with hogs being so short necked, it seems using a big deep tank is pointless. Yet you’re having success. I know you’ve said you use a milk crate/rock so they can get out.

    My question comes from what to do in the winter time and when it gets low? How do they reach the whey when it gets low and is practically freezing? I would think that would be dangerous for them to be standing in freezing cold water (my tank would be heated though I guess, but still, with air temps at -20F you understand my caution).

    Additionally, although I pasture as well, the water is in a sacrifice area, and I’d be concerned with the hogs tracking feces into the water all the time if they’re standing in it.

    Any thoughts? BTW I’m in South Dakota. I know you have spring water to shallow troughs for water, but unless I want to use a circulating pump from say, a heated large tire tank, I don’t have that option.

    • We have 1,025 gallon tanks for whey tanks. We have 300 gallon cattle troughs for whey troughs. I’m making sure we’re clear by saying that. The whey gets unloaded from the milk truck into several tanks and then fed via pipes to troughs. See these posts for pictures. Now that we have terms (troughs vs tanks) set let’s move on…

      We set our troughs deep into the ground and then put some rocks in them to give an escape route. This gives ground heat to warm the troughs and realize we have a great variety of sizes of pigs. Some of ours are over 1,000 lbs and that is in fine condition, not overweight. These are the size of small cattle. We also have smaller feeders as low as just two inches deep made from the bottoms of barrels for suckling piglets, 10 gallon troughs for weaners, 50 gallon troughs, etc.

      As to the question of ‘dangerous standing in freezing cold water’ realize that if it is liquid then it is warmer than the air so that apparently feels good to them. When having the choice to stand on dry vs in wet they often, even more often, choose the wet. I like to lay rocks and deep pack up around these areas though to create more dry. Personal bias but with another reason…

      Put rocks around your waterers and the pigs will trim their hooves on the rocks. See here. In your situation without springs you might want to use a flap cover on the waterer which the pigs lift to drink – this works well with their rooting instincts. That should help keep the water cleaner.

      Pigs need a wallow so it is fine if the area around the waterer is that place. In our case our waterers are primarily 65 gallon plastic barrels that we set into the ground and then pipes lead from one to another so the water stays clean.

  3. Allison says:

    Great news, but wow. I wondered if I’d ever see the day they were ever brought down.
    Wonder why this isn’t major news yet.

  4. Dawn Carroll says:

    It must be April 1st today or something like that…One could only hope that some company would buy out Monsanto and dismantle the giant cooperation…
    I leased out my farm ground this year to a farmer who planted organic onions. The fields or my entire place hadn’t had any chemicals applied in the 15 years I have been here so this was the attraction for this farmer who rented my ground.
    But with all his working the soil and leveling, installing the drip tape, etc…the fields are a beautiful hue of the many colors of weeds that have come up along with the alfalfa hay that has come back.
    I don’t know why they aren’t weeding by hand but maybe they are just going to let the weeds take on the normal pest that bothers the organic onions which would help them.
    I want to ask him what he is growing out there (which is a fine crop of weeds) but if I were him I would just be shaking my head in dismay. It is only 29 acres but that is a lot of weeding by hand.
    I controlled the weeds and what not several ways thru lightly disking, over seeding with oats, or with the pigs. But when one turns the soil like they did with huge equipment then things get stirred up.
    The pigs would leave the alfalfa alone and seemed to seek the obnoxious weeds so much so that my former puncture vine problem seems to have disappeared. And they kept the morning glory down as well.
    On the up side the fields are perfectly level now and will water better than ever for when I can take it back over again.

  5. Deborah Hartt says:

    Thank you for this. I had a bit of a tough day today, and needed a laugh. Well done. I loved it. Peace. Deborah.

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