Eight Foot Pig


Long Pig chewing on a Stump in the South Field

Loin, Tenderloin, Ham, Boston Butt, Belly – these are the top sellers on swine, the high-on-the-hog items that everyone wants. With this in mind we have spent years breeding for length. Spot, one of our top breeder boars, was 12′ long. That’s some pig! He topped out at 1,700 lbs of lean muscle.

The butcher who saw one of Spot’s sons commented in surprise: “That pig’s so long he’s a choo-choo train, he just keeps on coming!” as the boar in question walked in through the loading door.

There is a problem though with ultra long pigs, and Spot personified this. When they get too long there isn’t enough support in the middle. It becomes a basic suspension bridge spanning problem. They walk across the field with waves of motion traveling down their long spines like some sort of Chinese dragon.

We never quite reached the Dr. Seussian issue of having to prop up their middles with crutches like in some of his drawings. Still, a few extra legs wouldn’t hurt. They would support that extra length and then there would be additional hams for Easter.

With this in mind I present Spider Pig the world’s first eight foot pig. Through the miracle of modern genetic engineering we were able to make that leap to extra legs utilizing DNA from the South American Tarantula Theraphosa blondi. As a side benefit, the meat tastes like a cross between pork and lobster.

By starting with this super sized dinner plate spanning spider and crossing him with the genetics from our Mainline herd in the long line of long pigs descended from Spot we were able to create 16′ long hogs that don’t break in the middle!

These four extra legs offer additional support and as an added bonus this breeding line comes with 32 teats and six uteruses for extra piglets per litter using a continuous production mode of one litter per month needing to rebreed only every six months. This way they always have some in the oven.

Spider pig hams will be ready for Easter 2014.

Outdoors: 451°F/-459.67°F Funny
Tiny Cottage: 66°F/62°F

Patent Pending. Spider Pigs are limited to northern mountain climates due to the excess heat output from the additional locomotion and longer digestive system. We expect to have a version 2.0 available for hotter climates in time for Global Warming.

Daily Spark: Don’t be illuminated by confusion.

About Walter Jeffries

Tinker, Tailor...
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11 Responses to Eight Foot Pig

  1. Diane says:

    Great Picture!
    My favorite day of the year!
    Happy AF Day, Walter!

  2. JohnL says:

    Amazing genetic advancement. A bit like the six-legged chicken although this was a failure because nobody could catch one.

  3. James Bell says:

    Dang Walt, you’re going to have to raise the ceiling in the Slaughter house!

  4. Shelly says:

    Love it! Although I have to say I think I saw this same creature outside my window at age 6.

  5. peter says:

    is this real?? an actual 8 “footed” pig……please get back to as this is driving me crazy

  6. phil says:

    OHey walter, beautiful pigs. Are those berkshires?

    And sorry i know i ask a lot of questions. But i was curious about fencing.
    I know youre a big fan on the electric fence, but its not possible with my current operation.

    So i use heavy duty welded wire fence and heavy galvanized staples, and a board at the top bottom and middle. I was just curious though if you have ever used barbed wire to keep the pigs away from the fence in general like one strand at the top and one at the bottom. I have pigs that love to jump onto the fence and have occaisonaly jumped over, somehow even though its 5 feet tall. I was wondering what you thought about 1 strand of barbed wire at the top. So hey have nothing sturdy to put there feet on. In my head i see them wiggling on it. And obviously they wouldnt like the barbs.

    Was wondering what you thought

    • The pigs are our Mainline x Blackie line that we have been working on for about a decade. They’re a mix of Yorkshire x Berkshire x Large Black with bits of Tamworth, a second large black line, a new Berkshire boar mixing in, Glouster Old Spot and some other. Each week we select the best of the best to stay for breeding and the rest run the lottery to go to the island, the market.

      As to barbed wire: Each year we remove large amounts of barbed wire from our fields and stone walls. It was put in by past farmers long ago for sheep. Nasty stuff. It slices and dices pigs, and farmers, very nicely. Lots of infection too. So I strongly recommend against barbed wire.

      Polywire or smooth wire electrified backed up with brush, stone walls, cliffs, stock panels or woven wire all works well properly placed.

      Log fences, pallet fences and other heavy barriers work very well too.

  7. Fgt says:

    Hay that pig is also in yestrdys post!

  8. Chuck Held says:

    Now those will have some ribs! And twice the trotters!

  9. Lynn Glazer says:

    very funny picture Walter!! very interesting how all your yars of breeding gave you the perfect all around pig!! lol hope you had a wonderful AF’s day!!

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