Pregnant Sow Bagging Up
This was in our local paper:
“The breast is best!” wrote PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman in the letter to the company [Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream]. “Won’t you give cows and their babies a break and our health a boost by switching from cow’s milk to [human] breast milk in Ben & Jerry’s ice cream?”
You gotta admit it’s an titillating idea… Due to limits on supply I suspect Ben & Jerry’s would be best to just offer a premium ice cream selection along this line for budding breast connoisseurs. Of course, they would want only the finest ingredients so they would have Naturally Grown for their, er, contributing herds. Then they could advertise “Beyond Organic – Free Ranged Women on Mountain Pastures of Vermont” or something like that.
Heck, there’s already the “Mothers Milk Ice Cream Company in Florida. Before you know it Shaws and Wal-Mart will be carrying rBGH-free human breast milk in their dairy section. We would start seeing little creamers of it at the diner. It would be everywhere! A bit of demand would pump up the price for wholesome breast milk. This would allow nursing mothers and rural families far from the city pollution to earn some extra income. Where do we sign-up? :)
Now, if a family has more than one wife they could double output. Hmm… Three, four… Interesting possibilities… :) Is PETA pro- or con- on the topic of polygamy? Vermont has passed Civil Unions, so why not go the next step? All for a good cause, of course. This will give the ladies more time to get out in the fresh country air. Communes perhaps? La Leche Cooperatives?
On our pastures we run one male for every fifteen or so women, er, sows. Similar ratios are used for cattle, sheep, goats, ducks and chickens. Of course, this means we have to think about all those ‘extra’ males… Jihads, crusades and war have been been the traditional use. I wonder if PETA is really thinking as far ahead as they should.
Of course, all this runs totally counter to PETA’s other objective of reducing the human population. While a woman can breast feed for 4 to 6 years easily, she does need to be rebred sooner to maximize productivity. That means more babies and a faster growing world population. Unless PETA has another solution for babies we don’t even want to think about here…
Still, it’s going to be hard to compete with ol’Bessy for production as she has four teats. Even better might be pig milk ice cream. Our sows have fourteen to sixteen teats and some of them bag up as big as cows. They don’t mind a bit sharing as they co-nurse already as the well endowed Jolie discussed in her movie premier interview. An average litter is only eight to ten piglets so that leaves four to eight tits for ice cream production without ‘stealing’ any from the piglets. I’ll have to talk with them, the sows, about this new opportunity to see if they want in.
So, I’m wondering aloud here, does PETA VP Tracy Reiman breast feed? What’s her daily output like? How many times a day is she milked? Does she prefer hand milking or a vacuum pump? How much is she asking per gallon? Wholesale, of course. Is she willing to put her lactation on the line? Details, details… They left so much of the interesting stuff out of that press release.
Sorry, silicone need not apply – just all naturals. :)
I must admit this has got to be one of PETA’s more amusing stunts. They tried another that just didn’t get as much attention here in Vermont:
This is not the first time that PETA has tried to influence Vermont. Previously, two volunteers from the organization posed nude in downtown Brattleboro in a rally against the use of furs made from animals.
PETA hotties baring it all are like background noise. They just don’t get it that appearing nude in Brattleboro isn’t really all that big a deal. If they really wanted to be noticed they should have picked a different city, one that hasn’t traditionally had so many nudists hanging out in downtown. Given that there seems to be a fair number of nudists minding their own business on streets, trails and beaches in Vermont maybe the PETA boobs just can’t make much of a wave with demonstrations like that. Then there are all the nude, bare-it-all, risque calendars put out for charity fund raising in Vermont. Heck, there’s even a Naked Bike Ride in the capital of Montpelier, VT. Nude PETA celebrities just aren’t all that risque. Now, if they would come help with chores in January in a 40 mph wind, that would get them some attention – from the emergency room for frost bite!
Outdoors: 69°F/34°F Overcast today, most days sunny, threat of light rain
Farm House: 73°F/62°F Greenhouse level dug out
Tiny Cottage: 67°F/62°F